


Couldbe's Gone 'round the Twist

by Couldbeamidget



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen, UK vs. USA slang, messing around with cultural idioms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-18 03:37:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18112490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Couldbeamidget/pseuds/Couldbeamidget
Summary: This little bit of nonsense is a take-off from an Austin Powers flick, where Austin and his Dad have a complete conversation primarily using British slang. I've gone on multiple sites trying to find the proper vernacular for a story, and so was inspired to write a short dialogue of my own. Seriously. I'm not taking the piss.P.S. It's written in dialogue-only form, with the UK version in normal type, and the USA in italics.I just have to say the the American version of Lestrade has a potty-mouth. That is all.





	Couldbe's Gone 'round the Twist

   "John! Come here. Look, mate. It's already gone half twelve, and I'm peckish. Sherlock's gone spare over a certain unnamed someone's piss-poor forensics. Sally's throwing her toys out of the pram big style - no surprise there. I don't care that Sherlock's outrage is actually, for once, justifiable - I'm not going to faff about watching him carp."

    _"John! Get over here, chief. It's past twelve-fucking-thirty, and I'm so hungry that I could eat my own shoe. Anderson's head is so far up his ass he could chew his next meal with his asshole. Sally...shit, she' gone ballistic. She's about two seconds away from foaming at the mouth. And tight now, I don't give a rat's ass that Sherlock's piss and moaning is legit._

  "Understand, John. Your flatmate's a box clever bloke, but he's a right twat when the investigation goes pear-shaped. I'm sodding tired of listening to him whinge, I'm done in. And John...no offence, mate, but you look a bit knackered yourself. What do you say we pull a runner and let these morons sort this mess out themselves. Besides, Molly will, eventually - that is, if His Lordship leaves her to it at the lab.

_Your roomie may be the second coming of Einstein, John, but he's a total douche when someone screws up. Seriously, I'm sick and tired of listening to him bitch. I'm dead on my feet. No offense, John, but you look pretty wiped yourself. Howz 'bout we blow this pop stand? Let the crybabies clean up this mess. Anyway,_ _Molly will straighten out this mess at some point, if His Highness gets out of her face._

   "Speaking of which. Molly. Dr. Hooper. Now _she's_ a clever lass...fit, in my humble opinion."

    _"_ _So...Molly. Dr. Hooper, she's crazy smart. Damn hot, if you want to know the truth._

   "You old dog! Do you fancy her, or are you just on the pull?"

    _"You old perv, robbing the cradle. Didn't think you had in you, honestly. What I want to know is do you "like" her_ (these are air quotes) _, as in one night stand_ _or do you really really like her and want to get serious?_

 _"_ Wanker! John, don't be an arse. I'm not some creep just trying to past her knickers. Molly's marvellous. She's charming. Yeah, she's lush, but first I'm attracted to her mind. Shut your gob, you bloody berk...don't you laugh! I'm not joking, mind you, when I say keep your gob shut; particularly around Sherlock. Don't you dare bollocks up my chances because he says something rude and insensitive."

    _"Shit, John, what is this, junior high. Molly's amazingly sweet. She's a doll. So what if she's arm candy, too. Don't fucking laugh!_

_"Oh, shut the hell up, asshole. I'm attracted to her mind. Being a babe is just the icing on the cake._

_"Also, I'm not kidding when I say to keep your mouth shut, especially around Sherlock. He'll say something rude and screw up any chance I have."_

"Oi! What kind of bloke do you take me for?"

    _"Hey. I'm not a prick or an idiot. I know when to keep things to myself."_

"Right, don't get your knickers in a twist. I'm not insulting you, I'm insulting Sherlock. It's common knowledge that women aren't his - "

    _"Cool your jets. It's Sherlock that I'm worried about. You know that he doesn't do "The Ladies' "_ (air quotes)

  "Cor! Yeah, not really his area. Don't fret, I've got you covered. Molly's brilliant. It'd be ace to see you together.

    _"Damn straight. Girls, not really his thing. But don't worry, I'll keep it zipped. Molly's terrific. It'd be awesome if you two hit it off_ _!_

   "Hell, it's getting late...rather, early. You up for a play back of footie? Manchester United? Let's grab some take-away. We can head off to mine and eat there."

    _"Shit, it's late - fuck, no, it's early. Come on. Come with me back to my condo. I recorded the Bears' play-off game against Seattle. It'll be a riot, their kicker sucks ass. So, you want to order pizza or get McDonald's? Their hamburgers make me want to vomit, but I'm addicted to the fries._

   "Alright, mate. I'm up for a boozie night in watching telly.

    _"Sure, I'm game. But first, let's grab some beer and so we can mock their line-up in style."_    

    

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to correct my use of slang if it's wrong. Ta!
> 
> Also, Americans really like to use air quotes. It's kind of a big deal.


End file.
